I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
