Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
