Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
