dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize