My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
