smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
