btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
