I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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