That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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