you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
