Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
