The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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