fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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