"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
