My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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