Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
