he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
