The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
