i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
