after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
last night I used snow as a chaser
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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