she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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