Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
