hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
