You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
