it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
