I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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