I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
