I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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