booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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