I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
