What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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