The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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