I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
