I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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