So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
