If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
