so that wasnt chicken after all
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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