you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
