I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
