I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
