I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
