You just made me feel so damn special
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
