Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
