Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
