I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
