And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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