I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
