she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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