Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
