i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
