At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need moral support for this bender
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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