it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Vodka?
Forever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
soo... how was my night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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