I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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